I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It's just like the Real World with babies
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
