words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize