Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize