No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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