So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
