How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
