i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
