From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
