I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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