I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
