Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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