She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
