pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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