You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
