And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
