She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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