Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
