and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize