nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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