Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
