am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
