Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
