god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
