Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I have already put on my inside pants.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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