I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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