guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
