I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
