she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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