my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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