Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
