i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
