We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Operation Purity has been aborted
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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