I'm passing your future prison.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
