i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
