Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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