Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
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