i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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