yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
