I think my vagina is haunted
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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