that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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