An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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