I wish my penis had an off switch
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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