I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
