better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
