So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
