Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He shit in the fireplace
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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