if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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