Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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