Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
