I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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