I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
