I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
