You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
a search helicopter?!
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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