its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
