Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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