Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
