I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
high people should be assigned attendants
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
they call him Oral-B. enough said
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
