Me. At least after what I've been through.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Randomize