there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize