There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
PANTIES FOUND
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