i wish there were pregnant emoticons
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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