Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
