I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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