You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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