But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
