pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
