Hey man sorry I got all grabby
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
