ya dads aren't the best wingmen
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
