dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
