yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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