Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
