you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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