Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
