I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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