so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
