Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize