i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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