I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
